Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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