Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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