It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
