I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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