This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize