So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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