i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
