: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
