ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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