eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
