i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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