i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
