Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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