dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
