i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
