You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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