the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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