Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
