i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
