my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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