you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
