she smelled like a LAN party
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
