We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
