Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
