His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
