You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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