it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
