Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
