so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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