I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
