My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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