her facebook's as public as her vagina
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize