I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
