Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize