my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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