just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
