Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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