hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
