Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How external is "for external use only"?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
