I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
