Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
