Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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