I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
