My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Boobs are out for the taking
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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