I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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