just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
