just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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