We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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it's like heaven, but drunker
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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