So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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