She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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