I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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