I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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