my phone needs a breathalizer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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