who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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