I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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