He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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