your thong is hanging out like whoa
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
