We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
everyone is single if you try hard enough
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
