Please, let me fuck your mom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
