If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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