We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
