so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
