I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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