saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
