You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
